How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
