I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just had sex on a roof
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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