You just made me feel so damn special
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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