i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
