i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
