Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
