Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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