I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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