Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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