this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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