just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
