peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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