I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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