I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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