I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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