I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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