AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
