Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
