please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
