he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
