Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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