speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
