So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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