Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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