Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!

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(410): View more from Maryland

what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.

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(330): View more from Ohio

nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did operation slutty penguin go?

(619): View more from California

pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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(818): View more from California

You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.

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(636): View more from Missouri

You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice

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(616): View more from Michigan

Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up

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