I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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