Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize