So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
