i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
