3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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