Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
