i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
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I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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