So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
