yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
