do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i believe in u and ur pee
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