he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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