no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
