Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
