There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize