I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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