And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
