True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
