haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
