i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
