yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
