that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
