It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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