Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
high people should be assigned attendants
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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