Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's always time for handjobs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
