I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
