This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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