Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
