Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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