They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
