Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
