Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
