i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
