Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
