Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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