things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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