I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
