Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
