I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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