We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
