her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we're so committed to being not committed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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