i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
