some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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