which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
