Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
